Lightning

I have been here countless times. The low, constant hum of the air conditioning. The dark furniture that dims the white light above. The stately white walls that peek between the gaps of one dark green bulletin board to another. The countless pins and strings drawing across those boards. The mixed scent of paper and dust. …The sighing man with his fingers supporting his furrowed brows. Time and time again, I’ve seen these things.

But this time may be the last.

“…We have to talk about last week.”

“…Yes, Sir.”

He puts down the resignation letter. The space where he can sign is still empty.

“I have told you, over and over… not to mess up.” his voice cold, trembling. A punch from every word. “Especially this one.”

“…Why?”

“…I… flew too close to Tokuda-san and-”

“That’s not it!”

…

He sits down, the banging of his desk still fresh. Dust jumps from the tremor it sends, his coffee spills, his knuckles showing.

“…Why now?” he asks again. “Was the formation too hard for you, after all?”

“No, Sir. As you’ve supervised, I had ample practice with the squadron.” I reply.

“Then why did you fly too close to Tokuda?” he asks.

“I…” a pause. “…Before I realised, he was already so close beside me. Our wings already touched. I panicked and jerked away.”

“And you sliced through Hanamura’s wing as she flew by.” he snarls. “Any more than a quarter of it and we would’ve lost her with that broken ejector.”

“I’m… aware, Sir.”

“I’m asking why. And if there’s even a hint that you’re doing it intentionally, you know this academy and your family can’t save you.”

“…With all due respect, it… was an accident. I had no idea I was flying that close until Tokuda-san warned me through the radio.”

“…”

“…I’m aware that I jeopardise my fellow squadron member’s life. I have no more defences. …I apologise, Sir.”

He sighs. “Well, that’s not the only thing we have to deal with.” he rests his back on the brown leather chair, his eyes leering at a stack of documents on a corner of his table, then back to me. “The nationals was delayed since they had to clean up the debris before there could be any match, and if I’m not careful with my words to the client, they might as well file a lawsuit. The president’s there, after all.”

“I won’t say I’m relieved that you’re leaving, because I’m not. I wanted to believe you didn’t get here just because you’re your parents’ daughter. You’re even close with the Hanamura. …But here we are, five crashes and a year and a half later.” he continues. “You knew the decision had to come from you, because of the circumstances surrounding you. Though, I bet your parents will have a lot to say.”

“I’m… aware, of the hindrance I’ve brought to my squadron, hence my decision.” I glance down, the knuckles on my lap whiten. “I will face my parents with the same frankness—that I have been a disappointment to my family.”

“I won’t…” he closes his eyes. “…I won’t go that far… is what I wanted to say. But I can’t deny what you said. You’re the first student to really put me in a spot here…” he grabs a pen and signs the letter.

“I mean no disrespect, Sir. I apologise.”

“I’d worry for what comes next for you, but I’m pretty sure you and your family can figure things out.”

The letter has two signatures now, mine and his.

“You may follow this procedure,” he hands me a paper. Skimming through it, it’s a follow-up instruction after a resignation letter is signed. “But essentially, get your personal belongings, and leave your badge, uniform, those kinds of things in your room.”

“You’re relieved of your duty.”

“…Thank you, Sir. I shall take my leave.”

Grandfather told me that once I was old enough and had earned my license I’d get to… search. Search for what? Umm… the blue. I won’t deny how head-scratching that sounds. First of all, there are two blues. If I wasn’t careful I would’ve ended up being a sailor instead. Again, I was the little kid listening to her old man rambling. He said something along the lines of… “The sky mean different things for us pilots, kiddo. Can’t exactly tell ya what you’ll see once yer up there.” Hmm… makes sense. The sky’s a battlefield for fighter pilots, but a playground for aerobatics. That’s unlike him, you see. He’s the kind of person who only tells you things you won’t ever get.

He then said, “One thing’s for sure, though. For people like us? The sky ain’t waitin’. Ya take yer first look at it, and it began. True, ya won’t know ‘till ya get yerself up there, but where it all started? Right down ‘ere.” This one’s harder to puzzle out.

Gathering all my belongings and putting them into several boxes don’t take long. It’s always been a messy room, but once I gather all my stuff, I realise all the aviation and fashion magazines are all Hanamura-san’s. I make my bed and fold my uniform on top of the sheet. One cap from the hanger has my name at its back. I grab it and rub the bronze emblem at the front. It’s a propeller criss-crossed with plane wings behind it, with a cloud and the horizon as the background. Four big initials: K.A.F.E. Below it reads:

Kumosaki Aerobatic Flying Echelon

It’s always hard to imagine that this is the top-of-the-line place for aerobatic flying. Aerobatic pilots of my age and even older all across the country are vying for a seat in this academy. Even my squad mates are… well, I can’t call them my squad mates anymore. But they’re good… As for me, well… at least, not all the memories I’ve had with this place are bad. And I’ve met Hanamura-san.

I shake my head and rest the cap atop my uniform. As for Hanamura-san’s belongings… I’m pretty sure it’s easier for her to find things when they’re messy.

…How can I break the news that I’ve resigned once she wakes up…

One by one, I relay my stuff to my private plane in the hangar. The, umm… pilots, are hanging out near the hangar. Considering what I did last week, it’s… better to avoid them and take a longer route to the back. They’re bound to see me when I load my stuff, so I’ll just have to pray they’ll just let me off the hook. …Hmmm… I’ve always felt like everyone around me wears their KAFE flight jacket all the times, even outside the airbase. Maybe that’s the first sign they picked up that I don’t fit with them. I’ve always preferred hand-me-downs from grandfather after all, including this dark blue parachute jacket I’m wearing. No, I’m not crazy for him. The white shirt and dark brown cargo pants are obviously my own. The goggles hanging around my neck? Uhh… okay, that’s his. I like the orange visors contrasting everyone’s black.

Though, I can’t shake the feeling that I might be lying to myself, thinking I prefer familiar clothing when I actually feel I never deserved to wear the KAFE’s signature jacket that everyone’s so proud of.

It’s still midday when I begin loading the last few boxes into my private 182. This four-seater baby has seen better days, but father made the right call passing it down to me. It was the first plane I flew and personally trained with. So much that KAFE-owned Edge 540 and Pitts S-1 surprised me for having wildly different centres of mass. Thinking back on it, this plane might’ve spoiled me. I wonder if he gave an easy plane to me because I wasn’t good at flying…? Well, I know he had an eye for this back then, so it might be just because of that.

I’ve saved the trickiest for last. I constantly peek inside and make sure that all the model kits are safe and no parts are in risk of breaking. These are plane miniature models I’ve collected and assembled over the past year and a half. Some of them are even the limited-edition livery in collaboration with KAFE. The queue was quite long at the t- …Ah, it’s Tsuj- Wah-!

Something strong knocks my leg off-balance, and I fall. My body lands on top of the box I was carrying.

Cracking sounds of plastic pieces come out from the box.

My throat chokes upon hearing them.

“You tripped, nepo-baby.”

…

“Tsuji…moto…-san…”

He draws a sharp breath. I lift myself from the box, wanting to get up. I turn around-

A punch to my cheek. My head bangs against the hard hangar ground. Everything is a blur now. He says something along the lines of “satisfied”. Before I realise, he grabs me by my collar, lifts me and slams me to my plane.

It’s still for a moment, aside from the constant throbbing at the back of my head.

“…huh?” is what I can only make out from him.

“Tsujimoto-san… Sorry… my ears are ringing…” is what I think I’m saying. “Please wait-! Ukh!” another loud bang from my back hitting the aluminium body of my 182. My shirt’s collar presses against my throat.

My vision gradually returns. “How does it feel?” I see him gritting his teeth, his eyes locked to mine, almost bloodshot. “How does it feel? Huh? HUH?!”

“You really think you can just get away with resigning?” he continues. “Oh, no. Not when you nearly killed our ace!”

“Tsujimoto-san…” amidst his shouting and choking, I brave my own voice, gripping his hands to futilely push them away. “It was… an accident…!”

“Oh yeah, like any other ‘accident’ of yours!”

“I’m telling you…! You know Hanamura-san and I are close! What do you think I’m going through right now?!”

“I know exactly what you’re going through! Don’t play dumb; you planned this!”

“If I did I wouldn’t resign now and look for another chance to kill her, Tsujimoto-san! Think about it!”

“…”

“You’ve always wanted me out of here, more than anyone else. We both know how much of a hindrance I’ve been.” behind him are his squad mates… my former squad mates. “…And now I am out. You got what you wanted. Let me go.”

“Like hell I’m letting you go!”

“Enough, Haruka.”

“I ain’t buying your crap-!”

“Haruka!”

“Not now, cap-!”

“I SAID ENOUGH!”

Former Captain Ichihara is beside us. He grips Tsujimoto-san’s arm. For a moment, I’m able to sneak a breath and two, though my chest trembles in pain every air I inhale.

“You lay your hands on her any more than this, and you know her family’s gonna know.” the captain says. “…It’s not worth it. Come on.” …Right… it’s not because he believes in me.

It’s always my family.

“…I see you flying again, and whatever shit I’d get myself into would be worth it.” Tsujimoto-san’s glare is still at me, before he pushes himself away.

I fall to my knees and sit down, my head resting on the side of my plane as Tsujimoto-san and his squad mates leave one by one. Captain Ichihara watches them before also stepping away. “Haruka’s half-right, you know. After you land your plane on wherever that is…”

“Don’t ever fly again.”

Every time this happens, I… always say to myself I’ve long since run out of tears to cry about this.

But I always… always… have more tears than I thought.

…

I sniffle. “…4:00 PM…” I check my wristwatch. “…Have to get going.” I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting there. Enough to make my knees ache, apparently. I open the box containing my model kits. They were… Ah well… nothing some glue can’t fix. It won’t look the same, though…

Haah… the shirt will definitely stretch… I load the box to my luggage space. I’ve thought of removing the two backseats to make more room for luggage, but it’s a pain, and I already have more than enough room anyway when my stuff is so few.

I complete all the take-off procedure by myself. ATC’s… not here to help me with the airspace, so using my eyes it is. …I guess it’s not just Tsujimoto-san that thinks I plotted to kill my own best friend. Oh well, I’m glad it’s not practice day; the sky would be too crowded for me to take off otherwise.

The ol’ Continental’s drumming remains as proud as ever. I can hear some coughs occasionally, so I guess I’ll lower it for some spring cleaning once I get back home. I should definitely hold back from doing any stunts in this craft, though. The 182 accelerates as I pull the yoke backwards to climb. The sun is… oh, behind me. No flying-to-the-sunset send-off. …As if I deserve it…

45 minutes since take-off. Let’s see; radar’s clear, weather… a slight chance for precipitation. Fuel’s healthy, all telemetries functional. Provided I don’t take reroutes, I should arrive in another 45 minutes. Whew… it’s reassuring to take to the sky but not having an agenda of barrel-rolling 20 times. Can’t wait to see the meadows after so long…

Clouds sometimes have funny shapes but they get old real quick when I had been up here daily. With nothing to do and nothing to stare at, time to think about what to do next. I… wouldn’t… want my visit to coincide with the others from KAFE, so visiting Hanamura-san can wait… I think…? I just visited her two days ago. The hardest part will surely be… ugh… mother. Well, father will also be against me leaving, but I won’t hear the end of it with mother. It’d be embarrassing to show up at KAFE again next week with her in tow like she’s dropping her daughter to school after she tried faking sleep to skip it. Ah well, I’ll figure something out. Might even get father to vouch for me. Won’t count on it, though.

But then what? Hmmm… two safe bets are economics and law. International relations as well, but if I listen to myself, I know I want an art degree the most… Hopefully the universities near grandfather’s house have the major. Oh… right… I don’t know if mother and father will still send me my allowance or fund my college… This… counts as running away, after all.

“…”

Did you… ever fly around here… grandfather…?

Was it here that you defined what the sky… the blue, meant for you? You said that the blue stretched beyond our reach… was that what you see…? What is that like…?

The sky as I’ve known my entire life… doesn’t stretch. It’s not something beyond my reach. Even now, I still see the lines of formation the choreographers drew on the board emulated in the sky—a doodle I had to follow. A few metres off and it’s a repeat for the whole squadron. It was fun at first but I… never got used to it. It stopped being fun from my first crash. And now, it was because of my incompetence that Hanamura-san…

I wonder if, someday, I can see it too… the blue that grandfather saw… The blue that stretches beyond our reach…

…Hmm? Is it… shaking-?

Lightning flashes and zaps right in front of me.

“Huh?!”

Reflexively, I jerk the yoke to the side—my plane swerves left before I stabilise it, almost a u-turn. The thunder’s rumbling dampens even the plane engine noise.

“[CAUTION] [CAUTION]” alarms blare from the systems as the electromagnetic jolt disrupts the radar.

How…?! But it’s broad daylight with no clouds around me! I buckle my seatbelt, strap my goggles, and roll the plane to the side for a quick glance upwards as white streaks shoot vertical stakes around me; nothing but clear skies. So is this… an attack…?! Who would- Whoa!

Another close strike, this time beside me. It’s so close it might’ve grazed the wing. Whatever that is, the area of effect is quite big. I can’t climb fast enough and I can’t even tell how high I need to be to avoid lightning strikes that seemingly come out of nowhere. Will I have enough luck to go back and then around the area? But I don’t even know how big it is, and tapping my knuckle at the fuzzy radar won’t help me. Alright, it’s around… 20 minutes until landing? That means I’ve crossed the sea and below me are the meadows. My best bet will be to fly low and use the transmission towers as cover.

That… sounds like a recipe for disaster, though! But staying here is burning my lifetime quota of luck I could’ve used back when I was still in KAFE.

“Surely you can take a barrel roll or two, right, 182?!” I grip the yoke and just as I’m about to dive, “…Huh? A blip?” I read from the radar full of static. “Behind me?” it’s just radar error, isn’t it-

CRASH.

I close my eyes. The plane staggers and stutters. Even through the headphones, I know that strike has just hit it. With no actual lightning protection, I can only hope the emergency landing won’t be too harsh…

…Except…

“…I’m… fine?” I peek. The static persists, but the 182 is still flying. The engine drums a strained rumble from being pushed to maximum speed. Both wings are… intact… flaps are… fully functional…? “W..what is…?”

Then it flies past.

She flies past.

Through the orange-tinted goggles, a girl in white robe… flies… ahead of me… diagonally plunging down… Is she supposed to be an airliner passenger? But nothing’s above me… Where did she even… This is giving me goosebumps. …Wait.

“…Diagonally plunging down?!”

I rev the engine, quickly picking up speed and diving down to catch up to her. Can I even grab her like this? Damn it, I don’t have time to think about that! The ground’s not waiting for me to hesitate!

The 182 begins to shake as I pull up to her, still barrelling to the ground. I maintain the pitch with one hand and…

I’m doing a stunt in this plane after all, huh…?!

…Open the door to grab her.

One leg holding the door open, my hand reaches out but can’t quite catch her. I realise another problem; she’s unconscious and burning. Flames flicker all over her torn white robe. Was she struck by one of the lightning?!

“[ALTITUDE]”

I’ll worry about that later! I just need to…! Hnnggh! Drag her inside…!

“[ALTITUDE]”

I’m getting closer,

“[PULL UP]”

But at this point, I won’t make it before I hit the ground!

“[PULL UP]”

And if I make any adjustments, I risk overshooting her instead!

“[PULL UP]”

“…Aaah! It’s now or never!”

I jerk my body outside, and my knee kicks the yoke to the left, resulting in a roll. It gives me just the momentum to tug her robe’s hood.

“[PULL UP]”

I hold out both hands and affirm my grip on her robe. My leg steps on the window frame as footing while the plane is doing a full 360° roll. As the plane completes the roll, I clench my hands as hard as I can and pull her in, throwing her to the backseat and-

“[PULL UP]”

“COME ON!”

I can’t bear to watch.

Moments pass. A thud, then my weight gradually shifts from front to back as my head pulls back to the headrest. I open my eyes.

The blue greets me.

For a while, all I feel is my breathing, and my bursting chest. My arms, legs, body… it’s as if they’re not… present… yet. This might just be the afterlife’s sky. …It looks… normal. I thought it would look, I don’t know… pink, at least? Come to think of it, the lightning strikes had stopped ever since I saw her…

Wait do I smell burning-

“…Ah!”

I yank the front passenger seat backwards to take a fire extinguisher from the small compartment under it.

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