Hope

Man.

How many years of my life did I just lose…?

Landing on the runway of home sweet home after a year and a half studying abroad still can’t distract me from what I just did. The thud from before turned out to be the landing gear grazing the grassy meadow; it polished a wide flat spot that made my landing a bit rough. I was that close to hitting the ground, huh…

“…Whew…”

Home.

I take off my goggles and put my hands in my jacket pockets, taking in the surroundings half-eroded by time. Everything is the same, just dustier. The whole hangar needs cleaning, and I don’t even want to imagine my old room. Still, this place has held up well after a year and a half of being empty.

My gaze wanders towards the windmill meadow beside the runway. I can’t help but remember grandfather every time I see it. Maybe he’s been secretly shooing off the storms, knowing I’d one day go back? …Yeah, let me believe that.

“…Well then…”

I flip the front seats of my 182.

“…Now what?”

She’s still not awake, but breathing. Pulse is okay, too. I check for any tissue damage but it… doesn’t seem like she has any. Is this strange medieval-looking white robe fireproof? Not a lot of pouches, either. And I can’t find… honestly, anything about her; no phone, no ID card, no wallet…

She’s around my age, maybe younger. Who is she? …Is she in a way connected to the unusual lightning strikes?

In any case, I should get her out of the plane… first…

“…Hrmmm…”

“Oh…”

Seems like she’s half-awake. …She’s not faking sleep, is she…?

“Umm…” I poke her tummy to make sure. That should’ve tickled. “No response…”

“Hmmm…?” another mumble, and…

A white… circle, fades in out of thin air, right above her head to shine on her long, dark brown hair… not. The light from the circle… doesn’t seem to be reflected by other surface. It’s just… glowing on its own. Is this some sort of a clever cosplay trick?

“H..huh…?” I tilt my head, rubbing my eyes. And just like that. She opens her eyes.

“Oh…” her green eyes, a faint glow in the plane, where the sunset rays don’t go into. “…Morning.”

“Are you… okay?” I ask.

“Me…? Okay…?” the girl furrows her brows for a while and answers, “…I’m okay… I think?”

“You… think?” I squint my eyes. “Err, do you remember what you were doing before you, uhh… woke up?”

“Hmmm…” sounds like she’s sleep-talking. “…I don’t know.”

“…You don’t know.”

“I don’t know.”

I know spring cleaning will have to wait.

Ah well. “Let’s get you out of there first.” I reach my hand to her and she takes it, helping her crawl out of my plane. She walks slow, but she seems fine just with me lending my arm for her to grab. She’s shorter than I thought, but still around my eyes, I guess? “It’s my first time in a while being here, so things are a bit dusty. Sorry in advance.” as I walk with her to the front door. She remains silent and tilts her head, left to right, as if trying to process… a seemingly normal conversation? I hope whatever she experienced didn’t injure her brain… “Umm… we’ll head inside first, alright?” I say.

“I have some water and food.” I continue. “I’ll go get them from my plane.”

“Your… plane?” she finally talks.

“Mhmm. I’m a… I was… well, I know a thing or two about flying small planes.”

“Flying…?”

“I..I have a license, if that’s what you’re wondering! Don’t worry!”

“You fly…?”

“Yeah. You were falling, and I happened to catch you. …It was quite hectic—hope I didn’t hurt you.”

“I was falling…? And you caught me…?”

Maybe I should show her. She sounds like she isn’t familiar with smaller planes. “Umm… yeah. Using that.” I stop and point to my plane behind us. “It’s a Cessna 182, a small kind of plane for only four people. Unlike the big ones, these smaller ones can be owned by civilians like us, as long as you have a flying license.”

“Oh…” she pauses. “…Oh, that… weird bird…”

B..bird? “Wait, you recognise it? My 182?” that’s the first reaction I’ve gotten from her.

“I recognise…” she says. “I remember…”

“You remember?”

“They were… shooting… I had to protect it…”

“Huh? Oh, you mean the lightning? Yeah, it really shocked me. But you, uhh… protected me?”

“Were you in that bird?”

“B… yeah, I was.”

“I see. …Are you okay?”

“Shouldn’t that be my question…?”

She turns to and looks up at me for a while, before inching closer to my… face?

“Huh? Umm… what are you…”

“Lower your head.”

“…”

“…What’s wrong?”

“…Nothing.” trusting her, I do as she says. Her expressionless look makes me retract a bit, but I have nowhere to go when her hand tugs at my arm. I shut my eyes. A second later, something warm touches my forehead. I..I don’t think I can open my eyes yet…!

“…You seem fine.” her soft sleepy voice is close to me. I think our foreheads… touched. “I’m glad.” the cotton-like touch lifts, leaving a faint warm spot. I open my eyes to her… smiling. Her drowsy look is gone. Her eyes aren’t droopy anymore. The green irises glow just a bit more noticeable amidst the sunset rays.

I… should stop playing dumb.

I know what I’m seeing, and I’ve rubbed my eyes enough times that they might as well be reddened. The glowing circle atop her, her falling out of nowhere, her clothes…

“Hey,” my eyes trail to her halo.

“You’re… an angel, aren’t you?”

“I am.”

An angel is beside me. The angel. Obviously I still don’t know what to do with her. But… somehow… I believe this… I believe her. Just as I believed grandfather’s fairy tales of the blue that I’ve yet to see for myself.

With that in mind, I let the lingering warmth from my forehead spread. I don’t mind if it’s placebo—it still helps my tense shoulders rest.

“I can’t seem to remember much from before.” her gaze drifts to the sky. “I know I came from up there… I think…” I follow her sight to the same… indigo. The sunset meshes together with the blue.

“…Well, angels need food and rest as well, right?” I smile. “Is it going to be okay, though? I mean, you’ll be down here for a while.”

“Umm…” she… hesitates for a moment, diverting her sight from mine. “I… I think I’ll be fine not returning for a couple of days.”

“That’s how it works, huh…” I look to the sky, then back to her. “Alright, then. Let’s head inside. I’ll cook something for both of us.”

Night falls. I’ve haphazardly cleaned the dining area—will definitely need to do it thoroughly tomorrow. In front of me are several dirty plates and a hotpot with only the chicken mushroom-flavoured broth remaining. And, well, an angel sitting across the table.

“How was it?” I ask, given her… perplexed look. “I can only cook simple food. …Sorry if you don’t like it that much.”

“No, it’s delicious.” she smiles towards me for a bit before returning to stare at the pot. “It’s different from the food I used to eat… if I recall correctly, at least.”

“That’s a relief.” I say.

“I hope it’s okay for us to consume this wonderful vessel that God has provided to the now-departed soul…”

“H-huh? Oh, the chicken… Uhh… don’t… think about it too much? I guess?”

Didn’t expect angels to be more of a mushroom soup person.

“Oh, I should’ve asked you this earlier, but what’s your name?”

“Hmm… us angels don’t really have names. You can call me anything you like.”

“Really? That’s odd. Before I start shooting ideas, do you have any names you prefer?”

“Let’s see… maybe something related to… me?”

“Y..you know I can’t answer that. …Well, maybe something related to your halo or…”

Now that I take a good look at her, “…You know, angels in the picture books I read have a pair of white feather wings.” I say. “Do you have anything like that? I get it if you’re just… like, keep it inside you or something, since having wings inside a house might be troublesome.” I chuckle.

“I…” she hesitates. She seems like looking to her side for a while. “…I used to have them. Wings.”

“Used to?”

“I think they… got burned, when I was hit with the lightning.

Huh…?

“I can’t summon them anymore.”

But… that means…

“I’ll be fine. I’ll just adapt to the things I can still do now.”

When you said… you protected me…

“Umm… are you okay?” she asks. “You seem shocked.”

“…Did you… get your wings burned because you were trying to protect me…?”

“I… yes, I think that’s what happened.” she says. “But please don’t worry too much about it. All angels are taught to protect humans. It’s our natural instinct, even.”

“Don’t… worry…?”

First, it’s Hanamura-san… now…

Why…

…Why…

Again…?

Again…?!

Why do I keep hurting people with my flying…?

“Hey, your hands…!”

“Huh…?”

“Please, don’t clench them too hard!” before I realise, she’s right beside me, her hands are clenching my wrist. “Did something happen? Did I say something wrong…?”

“…? Oh…” I look down. Blood drips from one of my clenched palms—my nails digging into it. “…Oww…” I open my hands, fingers trembling. Doing this used to hurt at first, but the pain has since dulled. Though, this is the first time I clench so hard that my palms bleed… I… shouldn’t think about it like it’s something I’m proud of…

“Sorry, umm…” I stand up and walk over to the pile of boxes beside the sofa near the table. “I think I have some alcohol wipes and…” a hand reaches to grab mine.

“Wait… let me see that.” she caresses my cuts with her two thumbs, cupping my knuckles on her palms. Her thumbs… They don’t hurt when they rub against my wounds. That warmth from when our foreheads touched effervesces. “…It’s nothing serious, but it’s still bleeding.” Ahh… she definitely can tell how much of a mess I am right now, with my hands still shaking. Though, I can’t exactly look for the wipes properly with only one hand.

“…Umm…” her voice almost like a whisper.

“Would you… like to see some magic?”

She hushes her words even when it’s just the two of us here, as if we’re tip-toeing so that the heaven doesn’t hear us. Will she get some sort of divine retribution for showing magic to humans…?

The scene of me crashing into Hanamura-san flashes in my mind.

“No! …No. no, it’s- it’s alright.” I retract. “I know I have the wipes somewhere…” I move my wounded hand from her palms, though inches away from them, the cuts start to pang.

“Let me help you.” she grabs my hand again—tighter. The throbbing stings… disappear… “Trust me, it’s okay. It’s the least I can do.”

“I…” my eyes trail up from my hand to meet hers, prepared for a stern glare. But she’s… not. Her brows furrow, her lips almost curled. Something juts inside me—I know if I refuse again it’d just hurt her but…

“Is it… really okay…?”

She nods, her eyes becoming more resolute. “But… I want you to promise me something.”

“What is it?”

“After this, can we… sit down and tell me what’s on your mind?”

“Oh…”

“I’ll hear you out, no matter how long the story is.”

Oh…

“I know it’s impertinent of me since we’ve just met, but talking like this… is painful. Even I can feel that.”

Hah… Hahah… Who would’ve thought…

The jutting turns into a pressure at my chest. Breathing becomes harder. “I-” my speech stammers—my sight blurs.

“So? Can we do that… h..huh? Why are you crying?!” she panics but doesn’t recoil. I turn to face her, looking down as I clutch her white robe.

“I-I’m sorry, this might look confusing to you…” between my sniffs. “But… it’s just that…”

“I just… didn’t know… how much I needed to hear that…”

“…I’m glad.”

“Well then,” she clasps my wounded palm with both her hands. “Let’s sort this out first.” she closes her eyes, and a faint golden glow emanates from her palms. The cuts on my palm reflect this glow, as well as the blood. I’m still admiring it when the glow disperses and fades out, almost hating myself that I didn’t pay more attention, given it’s such a fleeting moment.

“Wow…” I open my hand as she lets go her grasp. The cuts, and even the blood have disappeared along with the glow, like it has just washed them away. “That’s… amazing. Thank you.”

“You stopped crying as well.” she realises. “I’m glad.”

“Alright then. I’ll… tell you about something that happened last week.” I walk to the dining table and pour two cups of tea from the teapot. “Though, I think you also have some explaining to do.” I grin.

I… I grin.

“I’ll… try to remember as much as I can.” she lets out a nervous giggle.

“Right,” I nod. “Let’s go.” I walk towards the front door, almost wondering why she’s not doing the same.

“Go?” she tilts her head. “Where to?”

“Ah,” …right. Going back here brings out some old habits. “Some stargazing. My grandfather and I used to sit outside, talking until I got sleepy.”

“Oh, that is… if looking at the sky won’t bother you. Because… you know…”

“I don’t mind at all.” she smiles. “I want to see how stars look like from down here.”

I smile.

We sit side by side on the terrace chairs. There are four of them, with one having more elaborate cushions—that’s where grandfather used to sit. The cool winds of late springtime breezes through as we wrap our hands around the warm glasses of tea, gazing to the stars. …The sky’s dark blue now. The steaming teapot cools over time, eavesdropping the story I’m telling to the angel beside me. I run through most of the details; how I got to KAFE, what drove me… how it ended. She asks questions all the time—she did call my 182 a bird.

Before I realise, I’ve lost track of time.

“And, well… here I am.” before I dump more sob stories. “I have some things in mind, but I’ll be here for a couple of weeks.”

“…Sorry.” she says. “I didn’t know what you were going through.”

“It’s alright. It’s all in the past.” I smile, looking down. “At least those people won’t bother me anymore.”

“And I should’ve been less direct about losing my wings.” she continues.

“No, please.” I look at her. “It’s better that I know.”

“Well… if it gives you any comfort…” she gazes up to the sky. “I don’t think I’ll need my wings any time soon.”

“Why?”

“…I want to try living alongside humans. Our calling is to help humans, after all. So before helping them, we’re obliged to study how they live and what dreams they want to achieve.”

“…Whoa.”

“What’s the matter?”

“I… feel like I’ve just heard something humans shouldn’t have known.”

“It’s fine. …I think.”

“And you sure made a rough landing.”

“Ahaha… Forgive me for causing you trouble. Oh, no wonder you could catch me falling like that. You really must’ve loved flying.”

Is that how I look like to her…? Someone who enjoys flying… I’ve never thought about it that way.

“The sky’s beautiful.” she gazes up, smiling. “Are those white dots… stars?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “The sky doesn’t look like this in, uhh… heaven?” …feels like joking about dying.

She shakes her head, a short sigh. “It’s all white and gold and… sometimes pink. And all the stars have lines connecting them.” I wonder if grandfather finds it better than the sky here. …I wonder if she finds it better than here.

“Hey…” I shift my body to face her. “About your wings.”

“Hmm?” she tilts her head. “…You look like you’re about to apologise again.”

“No, I… uhh… yeah… sorry…”

“I’m fine, really. Losing my wings… isn’t as significant as you think it is.” she says. “The whole heaven isn’t going to be turned upside down just to look for one angel.”

“If anything, you saved me. I was falling, and you risked your life to catch me.” she continues, as I know that she’s seeing whatever expression I’m making that I believe hasn’t changed for a while.

“I never feel like I lost my wings because of you.”

“I… saved you…”

“You did.”

I close my eyes for a bit, turning to look at the sky. I avoided it for a while; looking at it for too long would flash that scene in my head. But with all the things that have happened today, I can’t help but to relive the moment when I caught her falling. Of course, it doesn’t mean anything other than reflex.

But for once, I’m not seeing the moment when I clipped Hanamura-san.

But… is that… okay? Forgetting the terrible wrong I’ve done.

“…”

No, I’m not forgetting it. It’s still there, the moment and feeling of my head knocking back to the seat still fresh in my mind.

But… maybe if I’m with her…

“…Thanks. For saying that.”

I can learn to breathe… a little.

“I mean it.” she reassures. “Truly.”

“…Yeah. I know. Saying that… really helps me process my feelings. Thank you.” but honestly, I don’t think I can just toss this matter out of my conscience for… ever. “Just tell me if you need anything… please.” my shoulders lower. I tuck my head and bury my lips behind my cup.

“I’ll remember that.” She nods, a smile.

“Okay, it’s time for me to be on my way.”

“Huh? Be on your way? …Where?” almost too afraid to ask.

“Hmm? I… don’t really have any idea. I’m thinking of picking a direction and start walking there until I see something interesting.”

“…I’ll… clean the couch.”

“Would you like me to help before I go? As to repay you for saving me.”

“Yes, I need more than your help.”

I spend a good half an hour explaining the dangers of Earth to her.

Grandfather… heaven is… a very safe place, huh…?

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